


Night Owls

by Oritheduck



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Gen, M/M, actually he's already fallen but he can't seem to realize it, riku might have feelings too who knows, roxas is developing a crush on riku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-25 18:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20375956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oritheduck/pseuds/Oritheduck
Summary: It appeared that some nights were more difficult than others. Having recently become his own person with his own body, Roxas could experience every thing a teenager his age would by himself, good or bad. It was the freedom he had always dreamed of and yet, sometimes, it became overwhelming.





	Night Owls

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Rikuroku Week - Day 2: Confession/Midnight Walk!
> 
> I'm putting a trigger warning for anxiety/panic attack as the beginning might be a little hard to read. It gets better and cuter as the story goes on, however, so!
> 
> Quick explanation on the setting: it takes place right before the beach scene at the end of Kingdom Hearts 3. I only changed a few things from the canon plot. For example: Sora has not disappeared (Same for Kairi, though she is not mentioned here). Reason for this is, I wanted to focus on the development of Roxas and Riku's friendship and Roxas's issues with being himself and his past. Oh, also, night does exist in Twilight Town here, though it doesn't last very long.
> 
> Finally, I suggest you listen to Mree's Night Owls while or after reading the fanfic as it completely captures the atmosphere I wanted to give this lil story. Here's a link: https://youtu.be/ih-5K9-9hQ8
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

It appeared that some nights were more difficult than others. Having recently become his own person with his own body, Roxas could experience everything a teenager his age would by himself, good or bad. It was the freedom he had always dreamed of and yet, sometimes, it became overwhelming.

Nights could be terrifying, not because of the darkness, which was barely noticeable since the sky remained crimson and only blackened for a few hours after the clock hit midnight, but because of the emptiness, the void that being a person with a real heart brought. An awful irony that Roxas had never expected back when he was still considered a Nobody.

The days in Twilight Town were filled with friendship, love, laughter and ice cream, and Roxas was never alone until he came back home, in the same room as the data one that DiZ had added to his creation long ago, and sat on his bed. Loneliness crept in as soon as he trapped himself in those four walls to sleep and his heart gave in to the fear that this state would remain permanent. 

Often, his bedroom grew oddly suffocating and his mind tricked him into thinking that he was back in the Organization, that he was still wearing that long black coat, or that he was still trapped inside of Sora’s heart and that nothing had changed. It kept him up, the apprehension of an elapsed past, and while the sun set, his only consolation was the loud pounding in his head, in his ears, and in his chest that gave him the proof that he truly existed.

Yet, it wasn’t enough. Alone, he was never certain and it ate him away when the inability to relax and slumber struck him.

If he managed to fall asleep on rare occasions, then he’d wake up in cold sweat, his breath short and wheezing and eyes seeing things that he later would understand were not really there. If he stayed up, then he’d use his newly acquired Gummiphone to look through pictures, videos or anything that could distract him from the shakiness in his limbs, the wetness in his eyes and the lump in his throat. It was the only way that he had found to deal with his condition.

Xion had asked him once what the slightly blueish gray color under his eyes was and why he was always yawning and on edge but Roxas was proud, too proud to admit that he was also too scared to sleep and face his nightmares.

So there he was again, sitting up with insomnia that made his eyes burn and his head ache with exhaustion and stress.

And again, surprisingly, Riku was keeping him company.

Riku, out of all the people he had reunited with, was the only one who bothered talking to him when it was so late. It had taken a while for this new habit to set in as Roxas was still attempting to get accustomed to this new body and to form new friendships, and the stubborn barrier between himself and Riku didn’t help at all. But slowly, they had begun to talk indirectly via the brilliant invention Chip and Dale had provided them with. It was easier like that and months later, they had gotten very close. On many occasions, Roxas had even found comfort in exchanging texts with him which was odd. Odd but nice.

Riku was funnier than he had expected, and affable also. It was enough for the blonde boy to forget about his troubles at times.

**How does the beach sound?**

Roxas let a strained smile as he read Riku’s text over and over again. As good as the beach sounded, he knew it was yet another plan they wouldn’t go through with. Riku kept offering things, telling Roxas they’d go some places soon but he never showed up, leaving him to wait forever.

And it had hurt more than once.

Without being able to explain why himself, Roxas knew he wanted those things. His heart longed for real moments but they were out of reach. _Riku_ was out of his reach. They were close through the phones but the reality was different. While their written conversations had given them a chance to learn more about each other, paradoxically, they had also widened the gap between them to a point where Roxas had ended up forgetting what color Riku’s eyes were precisely and what his scent was like.

This time wouldn’t be any different. They hadn’t met in so long yet he was still planning events… More promises to break. Oh, Roxas was getting used to those empty wishes. Nonetheless, sometimes, he wondered if he lacked enthusiasm in his replies and made Riku anxious about spending time with him, or if Riku was only pretending to want to be friends with him because of Sora. Which was best, a coward or a liar?

Still, without an answer to his own question, he typed a reply, nibbling on his negative thoughts bit by bit and swallowing them until they were bottled up in his heart, far from anyone who would try to reach them.

**I’d love to go there.**

‘...With you’. Roxas had written then erased then rewritten then erased that part over and over again, unable to decide if it was appropriate until he reminded himself that the feeling was most likely not mutual. Riku already had friends and important people, and considering their pasts and the way they had treated each other, it was understandable for him not to want to get so close.

Riku wouldn’t pick him. Not as a friend, not as anything. Roxas shouldn’t care. He knew he shouldn’t but he did anyway, and he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t control this heart he had longed for nor where it wished to go. Sometimes, he dared to listen to it the way Sora did but it always ended the same exact way. He refused its guidance, for what he came upon in there was beyond his tolerance and understanding.

Once more, he felt as though he didn’t truly know himself and it wasn’t due to amnesia or being lied to. The emotions he expected to feel weren’t the ones his heart sent his way. There should have been rage inside, a rightful desire for revenge because Riku had been bad to him once. And yet…

Guilt and longing. It was what he had found in the depths of his heart. There was remorse for taking and _being _a part of Sora, for putting the worlds in danger and not caring if it meant being with his friends. His only reassurance was that he had been manipulated continuously, that he didn’t truly have any reason to pull himself down since he had been kept away from the awful truth of who or rather _what _he was for about a year. And he had had his own reasons anyway, his own rights to act the way he had acted. Then, with his return, he had done his part in protecting his friends and defeating the Organization. He had made it all up to everyone. He had forgiven and been forgiven.

Even so, his heart sang a different melody and the guilt remained, spreading within and consuming him like a disease. It grew bigger now and for the first time, Riku’s messages didn’t manage to soothe him.

Their conversation just kept going. Meaningless suggestions about the beach and efforts to communicate on Riku’s side. It was pointless but despite it all, despite the harsh truth, Roxas tried his best to sound eager and interested. But then, suddenly, the gnawing fright that he was still in the wrong and would be left behind to be forgotten and denied of his precious existence snatched all of his attention away.

The battle began with an abrupt headache, worse than what he had born so far, striking like thunder. His body reacted to an unwarranted and invisible threat, causing his tired muscles to stiffen defensively in case the false danger became reality. When his lungs locked up and stubbornly forbade access to the air he was desperately attempting to inhale, he sat up and gripped his chest, clawing the gray star on the white shirt he was wearing. Under it was a heart that beat roughly and irregularly, its pace increasing the more Roxas breathed and urged it to quell.

The ache of the crisis was familiar but the suffocation was too intense to get used to. Each time, it was the same ideas that swirled in his mind like a storm.

_I’m alone. I’m going to die._

There was nothing but darkness around him, a darkness that he was not able to control, just like his body, just like his _heart._ Nonetheless, in this obscurity that surrounded him, he found a faint light to his left. It flickered once, twice and then a third time, attracting him. In his terror and confusion, he needed a long minute to recognize the source of the brightness and then, he realized. His phone. _Riku._

A couple of trails of cold sweat ran down his forehead to the sides of his cheeks and made his seething body shiver as he crawled on the mattress to grab and hold the device up, practically hugging it with his palms like a cherished treasure he had lost and found again. In his moment of agonized panic, he had lost track of the time and hadn’t even noticed that he had thrown his phone away. He was now faced by several unanswered texts, though his tear-stained eyes could only concentrate on the two last ones.

**Roxas? You still up?**

**You’re probably sleeping so goodnight. Talk to you tomorrow.**

No, no, no. Not tomorrow. He needed someone right now. Anyone.

He whined weakly and gulped bitter and acid saliva that burned his throat and made him feel nauseous. His upper back hurt from the lack of oxygen, or rather, the excess of air he thought he needed to stay conscious and alive. A year ago, he had believed that being a basic teenager would be easy once he’d achieve his goal but now, it had been months, and sometimes he felt as though his body would stop functioning no matter how young it was. He had blamed it on the fact his heart was residing in a replica, that the science that had been used on him wasn’t perfect and caused his sorrows, but the day he had asked Xion and Naminé if they also felt strange at times had provided him with an opposite revelation. He had wanted to believe that they were hiding how they truly felt, the same way he did, but it was hard when they behaved so differently. They were okay with saying goodbye every day, they didn’t mind staying away from their friends when it was required, they slept at night. This divergence made Roxas feel even more isolated.

No one knew how he was and no one would probably understand. After all, if he couldn’t find any reason for his own pain and fears, how could they?

With shaky fingers, he attempted to type something, anything that could trigger the beginning of a new conversation without revealing too much of his condition. The Gummiphone automatically corrected all the mistakes he made on accident, thumbs jumping and tapping the screen frantically as he sat back on his heels.

**I can’t sleep. ** **I don’t feel good.**

Laying the phone on his lap, he stared back at it, horror crossing his features upon the words he had sent. He didn’t mean to sound desperate and he certainly wasn’t one to call for help, especially not Riku’s, yet the more he read them, the more he heard the distress behind them. He bit his lower lip and choked down his sobs, hating how he needed to communicate with Riku out of all his other friends and the way it contradicted with his hope that he wouldn’t perceive that need. They tore him apart, adding more to his anguish and leaving him to rock back and forth while holding his core.

He waited for five minutes. No answer.

Ten minutes later, still no answer.

It was only after twenty minutes of expectation that Roxas realized that he was panicking over a reply that wouldn’t come. Riku had said goodnight so it wasn’t hard to suppose he was sleeping peacefully now. _How lucky._

So, he was really alone then. Alone with his doubts and guilt and wishes.

The eruption wore off after a long while, as usual. He could breathe properly again, though he was still panting in short gasps. His mind and body were exhausted but the alarm lingered in them. He knew he wouldn’t be granted any rest tonight.

Tossing his phone aside, he changed his position and drew his knees closer to his chest, hugging himself for warmth and to make up for a lack of affection that he didn’t manage to comprehend. The chill breeze from the window left his back feeling colder, like a reminder that, while everyone else was asleep, he was awake and lonely.

What was it that he missed? What did he need that his best friends couldn’t offer? Why couldn’t he be okay when they all had fought and erased their enemies?

Peace had been brought to the worlds and although the Heartless and the Nobodies remained, they weren’t things that could slip out of their control now. Not anymore. Knowing this didn’t help, however, it only made him feel dissimilar to those who were able to move on.

After shooting one wretched glance to his phone, he buried his face in the crook of his arm, sniffling and shuddering, not bothering to wipe his wet cheeks. He hated this. Hated crying, hated feeling scared, hated being alone but above all, he despised how unwanted he felt. So many people had prayed for him to come back to this world and he had found them again, but it was all about one individual. One person that was once again ruining what he had just obtained. It had been easy to fight him before but now, what was he supposed to do?

No. He had to push this thought away. Riku didn’t care and he wouldn’t either. He shouldn’t.

He didn’t know how many minutes had passed from the moment he had withdrawn into himself to the moment his phone vibrated noisily next to him, notifying him of a new message. The sound made him jump and sparked a faint hope within him. He dared to think it was Riku who replied in spite of his wish to give up on him, and he prayed it wasn’t Xion or Axel telling him that they had heard him cry from the other rooms.

The sudden brightness of the phone made him narrow his eyes slightly as he brought it up to his face, but soon, they widened as Riku’s name was the one to pop up on the screen.

**Look outside.**

_What?_

Turning so that he was on his knees and facing the window, he leaned against the edge, head poking out as he checked the area like he had been asked to. There was nothing apart from shining stars in a navy blue sky and trees swaying along with the gentle wind and familiar buildings and-- Riku?

It took Roxas a minute to recognize him, and another to accept he was really down there, standing in a pale blue shirt with his hands hidden in black jogger pants, looking up, back at him. The gloom made it hard for him to see but Riku seemed to be sporting a smile as he raised his hand to wave lightly, and Roxas hesitated between waving back and shutting the window as well as the curtains to avoid him. In the end, he did neither of those and simply averted his gaze elsewhere, still uncertain.

Riku lived in the Destiny Islands which were quite far from Twilight Town, yet he was here now and as much as Roxas tried to find a reason that didn’t involve his own person for this, his mind stayed blank. He couldn’t play naive with himself and it was too suspicious for Riku to appear just after he had sent this miserable text to him. But if it was indeed for him, why was Riku even there? Wasn’t he supposed to just… not care?

Confusion and sadness led to interest and concern.

Roxas dared to glance back at Riku one last time as if to let him know that he’d be coming down. Another unspoken exchange which they both understood.

As soon as he moved away from the bed to stand in the mess that was his room, he froze and shivered in contact with the icy air. Considering that Riku was standing outside in a simple shirt, he supposed that it wasn’t so chilly. He just had a tendency to get cold often anyway.

But then, if he remembered correctly, Riku always wore sleeveless tops, as though the weather never affected him.

With this in mind, Roxas grabbed a warm ivory cardigan that he had left on the chair by his desk and slipped inside quickly. He didn’t bother changing into an actual proper outfit, his pajamas would be just fine. It wasn’t like Riku would pay attention to such details anyway.

Keys in one hand, he came across his reflection in the mirror placed near the door, facing the desk on the opposite side of the room. He didn’t like what he saw in there. Puffy and red eyes circled by shadow, face still moist from crying and traces of panic remaining, displayed for the world to see. The mask he wore so often had been pulled away from him and he tried as best as he could to place it again. But Riku was waiting, so he wiped his cheeks with his sleeves and gave them two slaps each before taking in a long deep breath. It would be okay.

Somehow, it hadn’t truly occurred to him that he’d be meeting and talking to Riku soon. It wasn’t until he was downstairs, putting his sneakers on that the realization came to him, along with anxiousness and a slight excitement. He stepped to the front door and held the doorknob. If he pulled it open, he’d find him. Unless he had already left or was just an illusion Roxas’s mind had created in its despondency. A shudder ran down his spine uneasily.

Outside, however, the familiar silhouette lingered on the same spot, expecting him with patience. Roxas closed the door behind him and took tentative steps toward Riku, marching to the unknown.

“Hey,” the taller boy greeted simply, adding a single nod and a simper to it which made Roxas want to run back into his room. He didn’t, though, but instead of greeting him back, he stared for an instant, observing the features of his face which he hadn’t seen in so long.

As far as he could recall from what he had seen in Sora’s memories, Riku’s eyes were turquoise and piercing. His lurid gaze seemed to reach inconspicuous elements of the worlds and scrutinized the horizon infinitely, the type that could make one uneasy and reluctant in returning the look, for it appeared to see right to their soul, to their sins and other secrets.

These were not the eyes Roxas was seeing now. Green and soft, that was what they were. There were growth and comfort in them, a kind and captivating look that made him want to keep on observing and diving deep into them, to tumble and get lost forever. It was… strange. Almost as though one mere eye contact was enough to take away his worries.

How silly.

“What are you doing here?” Roxas asked, worry and nervousness evident in his voice. Riku only looked at the watch wrapped loosely around his wrist and gave a shrug, his lips spreading to yet another smile.

“Well, it’s a little past midnight and you can’t sleep. Perfect time for a walk, don’t you think?”

_A walk?_ Roxas fidgeted. There was something wrong in the way Riku had never dared to meet him when they had so many things planned, but showed up at the worst moment he could have ever picked. Worst… or best. Roxas didn’t know. He had needed company but it came along with conflict and now, he wasn’t sure of what he wanted.

“Seriously?” he sighed and frowned, not missing the way Riku’s shoulders and smile dropped at the same time over his reaction. The confident and aglow look he bore changed drastically to one of disappointment and uncertainty which made Roxas feel, once more, guilty.

“Should I go back?”

Roxas felt the light tug at his heart painfully. If Riku left now, their chances of ever hanging out would be completely wasted. If Riku left, Roxas would have to watch him go from his window and the regret of ruining the one occasion he was given to be with him would be added to the rest of his issues. It was complicated when it came to him but pushing him away wasn’t what Roxas wanted, even if the midnight walk appeared to be very bizarre.

So, maybe, just once...

Swallowing his pride, he crossed his arms for warmth and defense.

“...No.”

Not waiting for any reply but also in order to avoid seeing Riku’s face, Roxas turned away and walked to the sloped path. He didn’t need to glance behind to know Riku was following him – the silver-haired boy gave out enough brilliance and heat for him to feel them with his back turned meters away.

The streets were completely empty at this hour. The town slept with its people and, though he had been living here for a while, Roxas had never wandered about so late. He never got to see the dim lights of the moon and the lamps, brightening their way to an unknown destination, until now. Everything was new to him at the moment, especially Riku’s presence by his side.

The boy had caught up with him and now, he was feeling his eyes on him, watching carefully and silently for a long moment as though he had noticed something on his face. Roxas clenched his jaw in annoyance, disliking the way Riku was able to observe the marks of his previous panic.

“Are you okay?” he heard eventually and looked away to the side, covering what Riku had already seen in shame. He sounded too soft and caring, a tone Roxas wasn’t used to. Still, he lied, making sure his gaze was fixed on the ground they were stepping on so that Riku wouldn’t see past it.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Riku went on. “Honestly, it didn’t really sound like you to complain.”

A moment of weakness that he shouldn’t know about, that was it. Roxas wished he hadn’t been dumb enough to send that text. He wasn’t seeking help… Or rather, he didn’t want to admit that he was.

“That’s why I came here.”

At this confession, Roxas looked up slowly, dazed.

“Really?” he asked warily.

“Yeah… Actually, I was already in the Gummiship when I got your text. I thought something bad had happened so I had to make sure everything was okay with you.”

Roxas came to a stop, leaving Riku to go ahead for a few steps on his own before he paused as well and turned to face him. There was a mutual confusion between the two and Roxas wavered.

“You mean you were… worried?”

“Might sound surprising but… Yes. I was.”

Hearing it from his mouth felt different than assuming it on his own. It gave him the confirmation and satisfaction that he had wanted. Somehow, it filled him with an incomprehensible joy that he struggled to contain. Riku had been worried about him… He thought about it constantly while staring at the taller boy from afar, seeing nothing but sincerity in this green look.

There was so much more to find, though, so many more things Roxas longed to hear from him.

Without another word, Roxas advanced. They kept walking up until they reached the train station which wasn’t open at this hour. Which meant that if they wanted to climb all the way to the Clock Tower, they wouldn’t be able to.

Instead, Roxas made his way to the edge of the hill where he sat, body facing the large building while Riku simply leaned over it, looking over at the rest of the city.

This place was as quiet as they were, yet, in Roxas’s mind, the voices wouldn’t fall silent. He found interest in fiddling with his fingers as he thought about what to say next. Too many options. Some of them were awkward and embarrassing, others would lead nowhere. Then, he remembered what Riku had told him, how he had come here. It made him curious.

Just as he turned to him and opened his mouth to ask him about it, he saw Riku do the same, one interrupting the other.

“Oh, sorry,” he said instantly.

“No, no. Go ahead,” Riku urged him, tilting his head to the side as a sign of attention. Roxas hesitated, fixing his posture sheepishly before he hummed and spoke.

“Why weren’t you at home earlier?”

“Huh? Oh… It’s just something I do when I can’t sleep. Instead of brooding over bad thoughts, I make myself busy and fly. Like this, as a Master, I can keep an eye on the Heartless also. It helps me and the world, I guess.”

Roxas almost cringed at the mention of his title. Somehow, it was hard to remember that Riku had become a Keyblade Master, that he had passed the exam, unlike Sora. He was aware of what had happened that day, though. He had been there to see Riku in the imaginary beach inside the brown-haired boy’s heart. Still, there was something about referring to Riku as a ‘Master’ that irked him. Thankfully, no one ever used that term about him and he wasn’t one to remind those around him of it.

He didn’t know what being a Keyblade Master meant to Riku but for Roxas, it was symbolic of all the troubles he and his friends had to go through, all the pain and the tears they had shed. There was nothing laudatory in it. As much as he pretended not to care, Roxas was aware of the pain Riku had had to deal with, of everything he had had to give up on and all the times he had nearly lost himself and the people who mattered most to him.

But above all, he hated the fact that he had taken a role in those things. If Roxas disliked Riku for working on taking Xion away and then siding with DiZ to erase him, then it was obvious that Riku disliked him for what had happened to Sora and what he had unconsciously done to him.

They had a few things in common at least: resentment and an inability to sleep properly.

“Does it happen often?” he dared to ask, curious to hear about what was able to keep Riku up at night.

“Insomnia?” Riku said, blinking. “Let’s say it used to be worse. But there’s not much I can do for it.”

_Neither can I._

“Guess we’re on the same boat.”

Riku chuckled, nodding. An awful sound that Roxas found a little too endearing.

“I suppose we are. Though, personally, I’m doing much better now. Just have a few things to deal with.”

“Like what?”

Riku didn’t answer right away and stayed quiet with hesitation, contemplating the horizon like it would give him the answers he was looking for. Eventually, he looked down at his hands wrapped around each other over the edge, gaze away from Roxas with an unusual sheepishness.

“Have you ever wanted to befriend someone but never figured how to do that?”

It definitely sounded familiar to him. The issue was that he hadn’t found a way to make this wish come true even when the person involved was standing right beside him. He couldn’t help him if that was what he was expecting of him.

However, as Riku inclined his head to look back at him, Roxas began to understand. It occurred to him suddenly in the way they were, once again, communicating without speeches. Riku’s eyes told him more than he had ever read nor heard from him. There were untold tales, dark and hidden expressions but also, his own reflection. Roxas saw himself in the brightness of his green color. He saw a boy sitting in wonder, clinging onto the same dream, the same desire to open a locked door, the one that was separating them.

His heart pounded twice. One beat for himself, and another for Riku.

“Yes.”

He kept on staring at him, sighting the lavender locks that covered his forehead and the side of his face, and appreciating the way the moonlight caressed his pale skin, giving him the look of an angel. He didn’t even know if those creatures existed, but he was certain that, if they did, he had already seen their form. It was standing to his left.

Riku gave another laugh and turned away from the scenery behind to lean back against the edge and face the train station. His gaze moved upwards to the highest point of the Clock Tower where Roxas used to sit all the time and wanted to be right now.

“Do you think I could have a chance with them? I’ve been trying to get them to hang out with me but… Gotta admit it’s scarier than I thought.”

_Oh._

So he was a coward then. What a relief. Roxas smiled, faint but genuine, though Riku couldn’t see it. Somehow, it was the answer he had been hoping for. Learning that he had lied to him about everything they had told each other would have left a dolorous scar over his heart. He had enough of those already.

“There’s only one way to find out,” he said with a light shrug, watching as Riku’s eyes fell to the ground with an unreadable expression. It seemed pained, eager, halting, only to be covered again with his usual confidence. A mask. Another common point.

“I know. It should be easy but I hurt them. And I can never know what they think, if they forgave me or not… I never really made it up to them, and they never lashed out at me. Honestly, I wish they did. At least, I’d know where to stand.”

It was like talking to himself, except Riku was able to make the first move and confess. He was brave and could push his pride away unlike Roxas who remained unable to concede whatever it was that he felt.

Presently, however, he wanted to step into this corridor Riku had opened for him. Their unexpected meeting had influenced him deeply and he thought he could trust him. He wanted to erase his doubts, to allow him to try and get closer in the hope that the same action would be returned. Friends had to be honest with each other, and perhaps it took this same honesty to become real friends.

With a sigh, he pushed himself off the edge to the ground, feet landing gracefully.

“As I said, there’s only one way to find out...”

Riku raised a brow at him, his expression switching from one of curiosity to one of dread as Roxas pulled his sleeves up and cracked his knuckles, provoking an abrupt, loud noise.

“Bend,” he ordered, his face void of emotion. It took Riku a while to decide whether he should trust him or not but one impatient tap of his foot to the ground was what he needed to cave in.

“Close your eyes,” Roxas said after Riku had turned and leaned toward him. The command was followed and suddenly, he wasn’t sure anymore. His face was close to his own and he couldn’t grasp what made him want to scoot even closer and cup his jaw. Perhaps it was in the way Riku’s long eyelashes stroked his cheekbones lightly or the way his lips puckered tenderly and unconsciously while he waited.

This couldn’t be it. It couldn’t…

Still, he moved. Slow but precise. One target, one shot.

“Roxas, what are you do—AH!”

_Done._

Flicking Riku’s nose with force and watching him cover it and step back in pain brought more satisfaction than he had expected. He had earned it for all the wrong he had caused and all the times he had made Roxas wait for him in vain.

With a contented snicker, he crossed his arms.

“There! Now, you’re forgiven.”

“Seriously? That really hurt, you know!”

Roxas scoffed, turning away and walking along the edge with lazy steps.

“And? You didn’t know where to stand, so I gave you an answer.”

“So… That’s it? Does that mean we’re friends, now?”

A pause. For some reason, Riku’s behavior reminded him of Sora, both trying to befriend unattainable people. For Sora, it worked each time but for Riku…

Roxas wanted to make it work. After seeing how willing and eager he was to change their relation, he felt that it could be possible. There was one missing step, though. This time, Roxas had to be the one to make the move. The forgiveness had to be reciprocal.

With a rotation of his heels, he shook his head and huffed.

“Not yet. You have to do it, too.”

He saw Riku blink twice and take the hand that was over his nose to flip his middle finger with his thumb, reproducing Roxas’s action in the air as a silent question. Rolling his eyes, he gave a nod, an unspoken permission to seal their pact once and for all. As Riku approached, he swallowed a lump in his throat, his heart skipping a beat. They were standing too close again. He shut his eyes quickly, shielding them from the view of Riku looking down at him before he lowered himself to be on the same level.

The awkward atmosphere was back but this time, Roxas was the one left wondering. How strong would it be?

He expected the flick, mentally preparing himself and counting his breaths. He was at seven when he realized how quiet it had gotten and how long Riku was taking. He could sense his hesitation, similar to his own. Too similar it seemed almost unrealistic. It was difficult to imagine that he was watching him the same way, that he wanted the gap to close as well. Again, it couldn’t be it.

Surprisingly, instead of pain, he received a gentle pat to his head before it ruffled his hair fervently, messing with the blonde locks. He groaned and pushed Riku’s hand away before taking a step back and instinctively combing his hair with delicate fingers.

“Hey! What the hell?” he shouted.

“I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while and it looked like the perfect occasion,” Riku explained with a smug smirk. “Sorry.”

“You’re weird.”

“Well, at least we’re even now.”

Roxas clicked his tongue. This situation was so silly and Riku was stupidly containing his laugh. What was so funny about it? _Idiot._

“I’ll let it slide once, but this is the first and last time.”

“Oh, is it?”

Giving him his best glare, Roxas let his hands fall back to his sides and prepared his surly reply.

“Try again and say goodbye to your hand.”

The reaction he received was not the one he had been looking for. Instead of fear, Riku gave him joy as he burst into laughter, a totally new sound that paralyzed him for a second. His voice was loud and his lips were spread into a wide grin, a rare sight that made Roxas seriously wonder if he had fallen asleep and made his way into a dream. Riku finally looked like what he was supposed to be: a teenager.

There was nothing worth laughing about their exchange and yet, Roxas found it contagious. He couldn’t help himself nor the way his face twisted into a bright smile and how his body reacted with soft giggles.

They remained like this for a long moment, enjoying the present mutual happiness they had never thought they would share.

Their voices died down eventually, leaving them to stare at the landscape formed by an immense forest and distant fields. The sky was already changing colors, going from a dark and cold blue to a mild burgundy, a sign of the sun rising. It wouldn’t go so far up and soon, the city would awaken and bear its name properly. Nights never lasted.

In this picture, Roxas and Riku shared quiet, discreet glances. They caught each other occasionally but it wasn’t strange, just short and shy moments where they tried to guess what the other was thinking.

“You never told me what happened earlier,” Riku said, breaking the silence. “You said you didn’t feel good.”

Of course, Riku wouldn’t drop it…

One part of Roxas wanted to give in and keep the truth to himself again, convinced that Riku still wouldn’t care nor understand, while the other part, stronger, wanted to let it all out. Perhaps it was the darkness of the night that opened his heart or he was just feeling comfortable enough to finally speak. Unless it was his mind that was too tired of concealing his pain.

Not knowing where to start, he inhaled and exhaled deeply several times and brought his hands to the low wall of the cliff, feeling the rough surface under his fingertips.

“I’ve been having these weird thoughts,” he began, his voice barely above a whisper.

“About what?”

That was it. The dreaded instant, the choice he had to make.

Could he trust Riku with this? What would telling him about everything do?

He didn’t want to seem weak. Not in front of him. And yet, he knew he had a wall to break. He used to think Riku was just as bad as the rest of the world but after all of his expectations, all the messages they had sent each other...

After walking with him, talking with him, laughing with him, he found that Riku was good. There was no reason to hate him, but so many reasons to like him.

Maybe it was too soon to tell but Roxas wanted to believe that their interactions of the night had made them friends. Real friends, not the illusion of it via unspoken conversations and fake promises.

He sensed something in his chest, another pull aimed in Riku’s direction like he was the one tugging. It could be a sign. Perhaps he could trust him.

“When I’m alone, I… I-I don’t know why it happens but I feel strange. Every night, it’s just there. I can’t stop thinking about the past and I just feel...” he trailed off, unsure of his own words. He felt Riku’s patient gaze on him, hesitant to help or let him continue.

“Scared?” he heard as though Riku knew it, as though he had experienced it in some way. He nodded slowly.

“Yeah. It feels like I can’t breathe anymore,” he admitted, the words feeling foreign on his tongue. He didn’t know what it was about Riku that made it easy to talk but he found himself unable to contain his secret. He had to blurt it out. “I just… I don’t want to live another lie. Whenever I think about it, it terrifies me. I’m scared of losing everything again.”

His hands curled into fists as his muscles tightened in remembrance of the past. Too many times he had been deceived, too many times he had been abandoned. In a single year, the first of his life, he had had to watch friends disappear, betray or forget him. Then, in Sora’s heart, it had felt like an eternity where he had been kept conscious but not truly alive. As safe as it had been, he didn’t want to go back there but sometimes, he feared to be obligated too, once again.

The more he thought about it, the more his body trembled and he had to remind himself that Riku was right there, watching him. If it happened now, if he lost control over himself and cried…

He did his best to be still, to keep it inside, though he was sure the look on his face was betraying him.

“It happened again tonight,” he continued after breathing in deeply. “It just keeps getting worse… I-I don’t really know what to do because I’m not even sure if any of this is real.”

_ I don’t want to die, _he thought. A prayer in his mind that he wished Riku could hear without having to say it. He needed reassurance in whichever way it could be given.

He needed it from Riku. And this was the part he despised most.

He hadn’t realized how shaky his breath had become nor the fact his vision was already being blurred by a thin layer of wetness when a hand to his shoulder snapped him out his thoughts.

“I understand,” Riku said before Roxas looked up at him. “I’ve been there as well. After being possessed, I needed a while to get used to being myself again and I somehow convinced myself that this reality was just a dream, that I was going to lose my heart forever... What I had done to my friends haunted me and kept me up every night, still does now at times. But it was my punishment. I endured it until I was sure they had forgiven me. Then, I realized that all I needed was to control these fears. I’ve learned a lot from it about myself and about the people who supported me.”

The hand slipped gently from his shoulder down to his back until it withdrew slightly and reached his arm. He wasn’t even sure that Riku had noticed it himself, the soothing gesture, how it healed him and erased his tears.

Having someone who could relate to him, who knew exactly what he had been going through brought him a relief he never believed he could ever have. In just one night, the weight of months of difficulties had been lifted off his shoulders by the person whom he used to think was part of the causes of it. He didn’t feel so alone anymore. Yet...

“You need it, too. You need to see that what we have now is real and unlike the other times, you’re not going to lose it.”

The fear remained.

“But how can I be sure that it’s real?” he asked, sounding more desperate than he had intended with his wavering voice, just like that message he had sent before. Perhaps it was inevitable.

Riku moved closer and reached for Roxas’s hands, angling them to place one over each of their chests, their _hearts._ Immediately, there was something. A sensation that this simple act had caused but it took a second for Roxas to grasp what it was.

“Listen to your heart, and listen to mine,” Riku said, enlightening him. “What do they tell you?”

Roxas knew he shouldn’t expect real words. Hearts had their own language. Sometimes, when two aligned, their way of expressing themselves turned out to be similar enough for them to convey. It had happened once with Sora when they had found their ways to each other. And he knew Riku’s heart had been able to do the same with Sora. They all understood each other in spiritual ways that could not be reached unless they opened up.

There was apprehension now, a doubt that Riku and Roxas could not speak in those ways, for their hearts had never forged any link.

Yet, when he closed his eyes, he felt it. He felt the synchronicity under his palms, the regular beats joining a distant song resulting from a new connection. The lullaby soothed his soul for as long as it echoed in his mind, as he tuned in to this secret consonance. Their hearts danced gently, swinging, twirling and singing, relishing this moment in which they had found each other at last.

Had they always been waiting? Had they been searching?

It came to him, then. An intimate whisper into his ear, hushing his doubts. The voice was unknown yet very familiar, sweet and low, much like Riku’s. There was something different to it but their similarity could not be ignored. Was it his heart that just spoke to him?

“It is real,” he murmured, repeating what he had heard, eyes fluttering open and meeting Riku’s. He hoped he was hearing it, too, this song, soft like a breeze, warm like their linked hands. It ended as soon as they dropped from their chests but the intensity of the connection remained and gave Roxas an entirely new perspective of the world, of himself, of Riku.

He saw his virtue, taking shape in a beautiful smile and radiating all over him.

“See?” Riku said. “You and I, we’re real, and so is this world. It’s not going anywhere.”

Roxas drank in his words and noticed their right hands were still entangled, marking their new bond. There was something else in it, however, something he had been suspecting ever since he had returned to the real world and seen Riku. It was what he had tried to avoid all this time, a profound desire to just be with him, to keep on holding his hand and to hold his heart.

It became obvious to him that it wasn’t a desire for friendship but for something new and young, fresh like the wind. Something he knew he’d have to pick up.

“Did you learn that from Sora?” he asked, earning a shrug from Riku.

“He did teach me a thing or two,” came the answer. “Always listen to your heart. When you’re lost, it will know the way.”

The squeeze Riku left on his hand before releasing it told him there was more meaning to his words than what had been said. Another thing to learn.

The fog in his mind was fading and made his vision clearer but there were still some steps he’d have to take before seeing what was behind it perfectly. He was ready. He had found this new friend, this new song which he was sure would help him and lead the way in the darkest of days.

“Should we resume our walk?”

With a nod, he followed Riku to the path they had walked on previously.

They had made their way down the Market Street to the Tram Common where they swanned around, short, frivolous conversations flying freely as Roxas kicked the same small rock on his way repeatedly and Riku gave a quick browse to the quiet area. They got along well, better than they had on their phones, words, and laughs blending together as if they had always known each other.

They stopped maundering to sit down on a bench after a full hour. Roxas felt the exhaustion batter him down gradually, causing him to yawn.

“Wanna go back?” Riku inquired. Hesitating, Roxas lifted his shoulders slightly. He had, for the first time in so long, found much enjoyment during the night. So much, in fact, that he dreaded its end and wished for it to last for as long as possible. But he knew he couldn’t keep clinging onto Riku like this. Masters needed to get their rest as well, though Riku seemed to be doing just fine. No signs of tiredness compared to Roxas.

He got up, stretched his limbs a little before rubbing at his arms, turning to Riku.

“Well… It’s getting pretty cold,” he said as an excuse.

“I’ll walk you home,” Riku offered instantly, standing up.

“Uh… It’s so late, though. Shouldn’t you be on your way to the islands already?”

Riku shook his head.

“A friend called for help. I don’t mind pulling an all-nighter if it’s to make sure they’re okay.”

_ Pft. What a sap. _

Roxas snorted and looked away with a roll of his eyes to hide his embarrassment as they began walking again.

“You worried again?”

“Kind of.”

“You’re dumb. I can handle myself just fine.”

Riku gave him a knowing look that made him flush furiously. Obviously, he hadn’t been doing this so well lately but he didn’t need him to rub it in or let anyone know about this. It wasn’t just a matter of pride. He also liked the secrecy of their meeting, the way their hearts had joined in an inexplicable way.

No, he really didn’t want anyone to know.

“Alright, never mind,” he mumbled and took the first step of their last stroll.

Their pace became even slower than before, Roxas noticed. For him, it was to make the moment last longer but what about Riku? Did he carry the same wish or was he just following and letting him lead?

Roxas liked the first option better, the belief that they both wanted to spend time with each other. It was comforting and made him look forward to a common future.

“I was serious about the beach,” Riku brought up suddenly. “I know I planned many things and never went through with them but I really wanted to take you there. You and the others.”

Roxas spotted the hesitation in Riku’s actions as he watched him avert his gaze quickly and hide his hands into his pockets. He noticed the way his lips pursed lightly to the side, indicating that he was chewing on the inside of his cheeks, looking for words.

It wasn’t hard to guess what Riku wanted to do. The Keyblade War and its preparations had affected dozens of people negatively, all connected in some ways, and now that they had been saved, it was time they had reunited and shared a moment of peace.

For Riku, it certainly meant to make amends. For Roxas, it meant being finally able to keep the promise he had made to his groups of friends.

Conceivably, it could also mean having another moment with Riku.

“Do you… I mean, would you still like to go there?”

_ With you and our friends. _

He nodded.

“Yes.”

Arriving at the small house Xion, Axel, Isa and himself shared, Roxas climbed the couple of steps sitting before the front door and stood at eye level with Riku. He needed to say goodbye now but the words didn’t come, leaving him to stare dumbly.

“Well,” Riku started, “here we are. You can go to bed now.”

Roxas hummed.

“Thanks for walking me home, I guess.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Another pause. This time, Riku seemed to be the dumb one. His eyes regarded Roxas with wonder, searching deep into his soul while his mouth opened and closed a couple of times as though he was trying to tell him a specific thing. It never came, though. Roxas saw the way his gaze dropped to the floor, a hint that he had given up on his attempt.

That would be for another time, he supposed.

“So… Goodnight?” he said softly.

Riku blinked, taken out of his train of thoughts, and nodded with a small smile, raising a hand and waving it the same way he had done when he had come here earlier.

“See you soon.”

Roxas watched him leave, steps slow and irresolute like there was something he had forgotten and was attempting to remember. He reached the corner where Roxas would lose sight of him but didn’t go any further and instead, he turned and looked back at him. They stayed like this for a minute, making the moment last until Roxas mouthed ‘see you’ as a response to his previous words.

Riku needed to go home and sleep too so Roxas was the one to turn away. He entered the house, feeling light and empty of any burden apart from the desire to already meet Riku again.

Going upstairs to his room after getting rid of his shoes, he kept thinking about him. He hadn’t seen him leave the corner but he supposed he was near the Gummiship by now.

As he approached his bed and slumped onto it, he took a quick look out the open window, snaking closer to it until he could have a clear view of the sky. The sun was as high as it could be now and the city abode in the dusk. He hadn’t checked the time but he assumed it was very early in the morning, probably 3 or 4.

Then, he noticed a figure nearby, reminiscent of the one he had seen and met earlier this night.

Riku.

He was still standing there, close to that corner in the street, gaze meeting Roxas’s through the opening. He appeared to be just the same as when he had left: a waffler.

_ What’s up with him? _

Riku broke the eye contact and grabbed his phone, busying himself with it while Roxas observed with sharp eyes. A vibration to the side grabbed his attention, notifying him of a new message.

** Thank you for tonight. I’m glad you’re feeling better. Sleep well. **

After reading what Riku had sent him, he felt a foolish grin break his features and had to turn away from the window to hide it, his cheeks turning to a sweet pink color. If Riku saw it, Roxas would need to bury himself in a hole he’d have dug himself. But the embarrassment was of short term as mere joy replaced it.

Rapidly, he typed a reply and pressed the send button.

** Thank you, too. Can’t wait for the beach. Goodnight. **

He peeked outside discreetly, supporting himself so that only the top of his head and his eyes could be visible. Riku was still holding his phone though this time, he was beaming.

At last, Riku walked away, seeming satisfied. Roxas sighed contentedly before sprawling onto the mattress, free of fears. The fears Riku had helped fighting against.

That night, instead of tears, he fell asleep with a smile.


End file.
